Our Little Secret

2/1/21

We’ve learned that a global pandemic is a useful time to learn all SORTS of new skills while holed up at home.  For example:

1. Learning to bake sourdough bread
2. Writing the Great American Novel
3. Hiding a pregnancy for six full months

For the record, we have experience with exactly ONE of the above.  😉

Baby Wolford #3 is due May 1^st, 2021, and we couldn’t be happier or more grateful after a long and difficult journey.

So why would a normally open, transparent person choose to HIDE something so joyful as a pregnancy for six entire months?  How did a girl who loves sharing her story and getting attention for it manage to keep quiet?

Two words:  stress reduction.

One of the things I’ve realized during THIS pregnancy journey is what a tremendous effect stress has on my body, and therefore, the baby.  There is not a doubt in my mind that the sleepless nights and tremendous work pressure I’ve felt over the last two years made it more difficult for me to conceive, or that the early fear and angst caused by the developing pandemic contributed to my miscarriage last April.  Paradoxically, the pressure I was putting on myself to GET pregnant didn’t feel like it was helping matters, either…but THAT is a story for another post, as I know it’s something that ALL infertility patients go through. 

At any rate, I’ve known in my heart for a while now that getting a grip on my emotions and anxieties was key to getting a grip on my body.  I just wanted to calmly choose the next right thing, and stop worrying quite so much.

The problem is…there is no playbook for being pregnant during a global pandemic  Is it safe to go to the doctor?  Is it safe to send your other children back to the germ cesspool that is preschool?  Is it safe to hug your parents, to see your sister unmasked, to get takeout, to go to Lowe’s during the quietest part of the day to pick out a new bathroom vanity?  Is it safe to get the vaccine?  Nobody really knows the answers to ANY of these questions …but let me tell you…EVERYBODY has an opinion and EVERYBODY is a freaking public health expert these days.

As someone who has always LIKED following (most of) the rules and LIKED doing the right thing, it became pretty clear quickly that half of my friends and family would agree with my decisions, and half would tell me I was making terrible mistakes.  And THAT, my friends, felt very stressful to me.  Say what you want about whether I *should* care about what others think…the fact of the matter is that I *DO* much of the time, and disappointing others creates a lot of anxiety.  While *I* can take the heat…I wouldn’t share my opinions on a blog if I couldn’t handle disapproval and disagreement…I wasn’t sure that my growing baby could. 

Hence…secrecy.  We followed our own internal compasses as best we could, making decisions with our doctors and God and blocking out the rest of the noise.  And somehow, this little miracle is now 27 weeks along and thriving inside me. 

But you can’t hide in the bubble forever, and so out we come!  Thank you in advance for all of your love, support, and prayers.  Our little miracle will happily take every last ounce of virtual positivity and good vibe s/he can get!

XOXO,

Melissa